Tuesday, January 10

my eulogy: something to consider

On Sunday afternoon, we attended a celebration of life of a young woman who lost her battle with cancer. The eulogy was exceptional - describing the life she lived, how she lived it, and how her life and example inspired and impacted others in so many positive ways.

While fighting back my own tears, it occurred to me that if this were my eulogy, the same that was said about her could not be said for me. I began to think about how my eulogy would read. Please don't take this as morbid. If anything, it was a humbling experience - one where this young woman has again inspired and positively impacted the life of someone else, even after her passing.

Trista. Beloved wife, mother, daughter, sister, and friend. I imagine that's similar to how it would begin. What I struggle with is the beloved part. According to the Merriam-Webster Dictionary, beloved is synonymous to darling, cherished, dear, favored, favorite, fond, loved, pet, precious, special, and sweet. Related words are admired, adored, appreciated, esteemed, relished, revered; prized, treasured; and preferred.

I am loved, I wouldn't dare say that I am not because I know that I am. I am blessed beyond all measure. But I wouldn't say that I deserve the beloved title. Why, you might ask? Because I am definitely the inferior version of myself, of what I know I can be. How would my eulogy read according to me?

Trista. Wife, mother, daughter, sister, and friend. If one word could describe her life, selfish would be most suitable. She was an average wife and caretaker of the home. She stressed continuously over trying to keep all the laundry done and put away, the dishes washed, and the house straightened up. Things out of their rightful place caused unnecessary distress. Dinner was never exciting, either a simple meal such as spaghetti or take out because dinner and cleaning up afterwards was simply too much for an evening after work. 

There was never any time to play with her children because of the hours spent at the office and the hours spent caring for the family's home. They were fed, bathed, and loved, but not played with nearly enough. She did read to them nightly but often grouched at them for interrupting story time. She often felt drained of patience and enthusiasm. She valued a job well done at the office more than she really should. 

Trista used to be a faithful Christian, living a life pointed towards Christ. But in recent years, she has failed to put Christ first and serve him faithfully. Somewhere along the way, she forgot to have fun and enjoy life. She mostly remained high strung, worried over the tasks ahead and everything being taken care of in the now. 

Trista failed to savor the moment. She lacked balance. She was often on the defensive, forgetting how to laugh and see the funny in things. She didn't know how to let some things go. She used to be a vibrant, fun person to be around as opposed to the miserable, beat down one that she in recent years became. In truth, we have mourned the loss of our beloved Trista long before the loss of her life.

Okay, now let's be real. Eulogies focus on the positives of a person's life. Plus, my amazing family would stretch the truth before a eulogy like that is ever read, thank goodness, and I promise this does not describe me a 100% of the time. However, it occurs often enough that I recognize the need for change. I know time with my children is way more important than having all the laundry done and the house clean. I simply need to remember that, put it into action, and learn to let things go.

I mentioned last week how my word for the year is balance, and that is exactly what I need. Now I am even more motivated than ever before to achieve it. I want to be known and remembered as someone who was beloved - by her husband, her children, her family, and her friends. I know I can be better. I can be the vibrant, fun person that I once was more often that I am not. I will enjoy to the fullest and cherish the life that God has given me - it is but a vapor. I can do all things through Christ which strengtheneth me (Philippians 4:13) and with God all things are possible (Mark 10:27).

Have you ever thought about how your eulogy would read?


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  1. What an amazing way to evaluate our current status. Surely, you aren't the villian you made yourself out to be! But we do beat ourselves up more than anyone else ever could. Get that balance, girl. You can do it. Balance = happiness!

  2. What a powerful post. It is so hard to find balance for the different parts of life and I couldn't even begin to imagine what that's like with children. You'll find your balance! You go girl!

  3. Wow what an amazing way to look at life in its current state and opt for more balance and things that will truly bring you joy! This was so beautifully written. Go with your heart sweet lady!

  4. This is amazing, but I agree I promise that even though you may feel this there is no way you are as bad as you say ha. We are so hard on ourselves. I bet if you're hubby wrote one for you it would read completely different. Just a thought ;)

  5. Reflecting on how we view our self is an eye opener. I feel like I do the same with worrying about keeping up with things around the house. I try to remind myself to just stop and give my son my complete attention because he won't be little forever. Of course this isn't the only thing. I have no doubt you are way better than this and your family would say the same :) This was a great topic though, makes me think!

  6. I hear you! It was a sad and humbling holiday season with multiple deaths and funerals in my household, and I thought the same things you are thinking. Like a previous comment said though, we do beat ourselves up way too much and are much harder on ourselves. I haven't thought of my eulogy yet, but I do have songs picked out that I want played at my funeral. I've thought about that since I was a little girl and my mom's best friend had pre-selected the fun songs that really represented her, and I've loved that idea ever since. My husband knows I will haunt him if he doesn't play my songs, too!

    1. I have one song picked out as well. I often go to memorial services and as they recount all the wonderful things about the person I sit wondering what would they be saying about me. I worry they wouldn't be able to come up with anything. I just told someone today that I am not a very introspective person. I have a really hard time verbalizing (or even figuring out in my head) what strengths I have. Luckily I won't have to write my own eulogy. Trista, don't beat yourself up!!! When you are a mom in the trenches of day to day life it's really hard to drop everything and spend time with your kids. That's why God gives us grandkids😉 It's a chance to get it right the second time...at least that's what I'm hoping❤️

  7. What a beautifully written post. I could say the exact same things about myself. Balance can be so hard to find when we are busy juggling so many things. Being a wife and mom can be difficult, but adding in work and trying to maintain a home and organization can be so challenging. I find this is so true for me and I can relate to this post so much. Thank you for sharing your thoughts! Here's to more balance in 2017!

  8. Such a thoughtfully written post! I've been thinking the same things fairly recently on the legacy I will leave behind. I am right there with you that getting the everyday "tasks" done and keeping order can sometimes over shadow the warm and fuzzies and fun that I want to be remembered for. Hoping for a more balanced 2017 for you!

  9. Aw, such a meaningful post! This year, I truly want to make sure I am enjoying the little things as much as I possibly can. I love how life is really just filled up with all the little moments coming together. And, if we don't stop to enjoy them then we will miss out on the best parts. Such a good reminder!

  10. I loved your take on this, and it really gives us all something to think about. Mine would be that I worried too much, which is so silly. Now onto thinking about my legacy!

  11. This is awesome! Seriously, the words you wrote I feel like I could say about myself. I know how loved and lucky I am, but in many ways I don't feel like I live up to that. I actually just shared a photo on IG on friday saying how I don't feel like I'm enough. Why are we our own worst critics? There is so much I want to change and live up to. We can do this!!


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I hope you have a fabulous day! And stay classy through the chaos!